aleng's journal

Yes! Happy Father's Day to all fathers out there, but this post is dedicated to my dad.
 So basically, I chatted my dad at exactly 12 am to tell him Happy Father's Day (Although there was a big probability that he might not be awake), and said sorry for being unable to go back to Batam because I'm way too busy. So we chatted for almost an hour, after I realized he was awake, but slept halfway as I was about to finish my whole heart message. I'll share what I have shared with my dad in this post.

Hey Dad, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!! I know we were never really that close, but I just wanted to say that I love you no matter what you are. Ouwh, I just realized it's not Father's Day at Batam (GMT +7), and I'm at SG (GMT +8).

He starts saying that he's sorry for unable to give me enough love and such. I replied

NO! What you have given was enough, more than enough. And do not be sad for what things you've done in the past. None of those affected me, because I just wanted to tell you, there's nothing wrong or right in what we do. We just need to bear with the pain we're about to get in the future. I mean look at me, I am a biotechnology student. I must prepare myself with labworks, presentations, essays, and many more.. but do I hate it? NO! In fact I love what I do now, and if you think you haven't gave me enough, I just wanna say, look at me! Are you proud of me? Then be happy! 'Cause I am what you've made and I am proud to be your son and to have you as my dad. No matter how rich, poor, intellectual, idiotic, handsome, or disfigured you are. You're still my dad, and I won't leave you behind. For you will always be my Dad no matter what. Happy Father's Day again.

Yes, this is legit and what I really said to my Dad. I'm not even exaggerating this. There are some parts I won't be sharing, 'cause they're too personal, but this is as truthful as I go.

TBH, I was never really close with my dad, but that doesn't mean I will ignore the fact that he's my dad. I'm not sure if he reads my blog, but I just wanna tell him this, "Distance doesn't matter, it's how strong a bond that matters. An expensive gift is not something that show how much I love you, but instead my presence and company determines that I love you so much that I won't leave you"

Yea, it's cheesy... but I'll be honest, my mom is happier when I accompany her rather than buying gifts for her. When they pass away, gifts won't go along with them, and they won't remember what you give them during that day. BUT, they will remember me if I accompany them, and let's be real, memories > gifts. You can give gifts everyday, but if you don't accompany them, those gifts are nothing but plain stuffs.
Have you tell your Dad you love 'em? DO IT NOW!!  XD

Back from Chinese New Year.. I wish you all wealth, luck, prosperity, and longevity. This topic might be dark in my P.O.V, but lately, after going through some quarrels and some emotional conflicts, I'm starting to think, does love really exist?

What is Love?

I mean, if it does exist, how come people divorce? How come some people are able to stay single forever? And if we really know what love is, how come most of us find it so hard to explain what "love" is? Is it something that just come and go? Let's start slow..
Love is the greatest emotion known to humankind, and it's what that keeps the social life going; however, most of us couldn't give a definitive meaning of what love is. It's often used as a word to express feeling (I love you, for instance) or desire (I love chocolate, literally). In some beliefs, like Buddhism and Christianity, the purest form of love is where compassion, kindness, and affection has nothing to do with anything or anyone outside yourself. Basically speaking, love selflessly without looking at status, appearance, or even characteristics. But why do most of us find it hard to understand what love actually is? It's probably because it exists in many states, and by many, I mean 7.
Knowing these states, honestly speaking, I find love slightly confusing now. However, in a sense of logic, love might actually be something we practice instead of find. I mean, let's see Jesus or Buddha, for instance, they teach their students to love, which means they need to experience love rather than find love. Come to think if it, I think people abuse the word "love" nowadays, I mean, we could've said "I enjoy chocolate", "I prefer chocolate" instead of "I love chocolate", and I'm pretty sure if we practice to use the word wisely, we are sure to feel the true "love". Love is easy to understand once you experience it, but it requires practice, I'm not sure how many methods there are, but one that I used to practice is Metta meditation, and I must say, it feels great, but I recently stopped due to studies, which is probably something I might wanna continue now. Anyhow, the main question is, "Are you experiencing love now or not?" If not, find a way to practice it, and I reassure you if you do it right, you will really love it indeed.